panty sniffer. virgin. freak. twat.

I fuckin' stopped an attempted murder this morning. Any other potential criminals out there? Come at me, bruv. I'm ready for you.

( Mr Invincible )

Right. Who else here has watched themselves die besides the fucking obvious? Unpleasant, innit? Not too keen on that happening again. But you never know with time travel, do you. Magnificently fucked up, the lot of it.

In other news, I've got a new assignment. Find proof the Kate Middleton is a reincarnate. Kate, darling, if you're out there, forgive my prick of an employer. He really has no fucking clue what he's on about. Completely delusional. As if being a reincarnate would make you more interesting.

Ooh, that was a bit rude, yeah? Oops.

I'm... puzzled. Am I Batman, or the Doctor?

Fuck me. I hate being powerless. Note to self: not a good idea to mouth off to your tetchy boss when he's even tetchier because he hasn't wanked himself off lately. Especially not a good idea to make faces at him when you're not invisible. Do try to remember this in the future.

Ugh. Any shapeshifters out there who might want to blow a middle-aged balding man with a beer belly for me so I can keep me job? No? Well, alright. Carry on, then. Enjoy yourselves, why don't you. Have lots of sex. I'll just sit here and go through the want ads, shall I. I bet I can make more cash as a vaguely Russian prostitute anyhow. It's all in the accent.

( I just want to be your friend. )